My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
