Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
