Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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