I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
