Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
