you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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