obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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