dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
