mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
