mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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