Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
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What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
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Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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