Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
