FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
