"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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