My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
All the doctor said was why
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
