My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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