I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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