I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
