FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
