hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
