Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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