Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
‪He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life‬
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
