I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
