just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
