I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
