Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
