Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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