Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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