Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Who died my cat blue again?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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