Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
