Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
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he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
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If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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