Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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