If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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