He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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