I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
