I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he wants to bone in the snuggie
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
