I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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