he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
