my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
