So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Randomize
