Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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