it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
