there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
