when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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