Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
