Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
