just come out here and I will go home with you...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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