The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
