is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
