im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
