Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
