Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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