How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize