Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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