Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
