My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
