Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
