It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Randomize
