did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I enjoy the company of your penis
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
