Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
