I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
