Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Never joke about your clitoris.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
