I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Bring me that man meat
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
