I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
