woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
