I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
