Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
