i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
