i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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