shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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