Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
