My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
