Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
