And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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