someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
