ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
