Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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