I got chris browned last night
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
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