so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We left the knife in your bed.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
