I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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