i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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