It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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