Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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