okay pat passed out under dana's car
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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