my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
