We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
