Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
false alarm, still single
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
