Don't you send me to vm
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
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