If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
