I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
