i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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